Me First in 2022

Something to note is that I don't believe in new year, new me. I don't feel that every year, every Monday, every end is a reason to force myself into change. But, I also believe we need to endings to help us resolve and move forward. To grasp that feeling of safety and comfort found through closing a chapter, by concluding that whatever suffering the past year brought us is distant now. 

As I'm aging I'm learning too that there's no need to wish for big things. That it's okay to be humble and ask for very little, which I suppose is why when it comes to the new year, I dislike setting goals and instead prefer to ponder my intentions, leading me to the mood I find myself in today, after being a brave girl this morning and enduring a very very minor but most likely life fixing procedure at hospital, then rewarding myself with a Mcdonalds shortly after. 

So! Just a few days in to 2022 with a long list of loose to dos rattling around in my brain currently, here's a few wins I'd like to peruse this year, if time and mental capacity allows.

Unlock true acts of self care

For a long time I assumed self care meant running a scolding hot bubble bath with my favourite Soap & Glory products, spending some 'me' time, going for a walk or taking myself on a solo brunch date, but it's so so much more than that. In a lot of ways I've been neglecting my body and mind, worrying about money and fearing change. This year though, I would for the first time in my adult life like to get myself in order before hitting the big 3 0 in November, something I've discussed here. This means finally registering with a new dentist, renewing my passport so that I have some form of photographic ID, getting my eyes tested and getting my hair cut. This also means going the extra mile to treat myself to a monthly eyebrow wax and tint, because it's a pre COVID activity I adored, and also doing things like buying new underwear and socks. Oh. Most importantly true self care going forward means being gentle and kind to myself, trying to get into the habit of appreciating my body no matter what scenario plays out in future. Not necessarily even learning to love my body, instead, just accepting that it functions and I'm healthy as a result of the care I'm finally putting in.

To not agree to anything unless I'm 100% sure 

I'm tired and think it's time I re-learn something I'd forgotten somewhere, that it's okay to put me first. To say I would prefer not to without justification. I'm a people-pleaser sadly though, making this habit or trait the toughest to breakthrough. Letting people down or not living up to whatever unrealistic standard I've put into my own head is crushing sometimes. I've been working on leaping over this hurdle of as long as I can remember and, it's been tough. I've slowed myself down f a s t, picked up the pace and struggled to find a balance and barriers that I can set in stone or sit comfortably with. Here's hoping I can let go a little this year and enjoy a new sense of freedom without burden or the worry of disappointment. 

To focus on wellness and intuitive eating

An absolute no brainer because sometimes my eating habits are out of control. Since November I've eaten at least two takeaways per week, and although I'm not ashamed secretly I'm quite pleased, I'm fully aware that my body doesn't feel in a healthy place currently. My skin is at an all time low and I feel bloated everyday. I don't want to diet though let's be clear. I just want to make more sensible choices. To cut down on the caffeine that makes me anxious and causes stomach ache occasionally, to take each day as it comes and to decide what to eat based on how I'm feeling or how I want the food to make me feel. To also enjoy a more balanced plate, whilst having cupboards stocked with all of my favourite things just in case, and to acknowledge the concept that no food is good or bad. 

To wear more clothes that make me feel flirty and cute

I love a good pair of leggings and an old band t-shirt, that's my usual go to in terms of fashion, but I also have several cute items looking directly at me as I type. I want to wear dresses more and show off my cute midsized 5'0" body from time to time. If Queer Eye has taught me anything it's that baggy clothes only make you look bigger, instead of giving the desired effect we think they do, which is to make you somehow appear smaller. This also means that if I see dress I love in store and my bank balance isn't down the drain, that I'm going to buy it. Yes I am. Yes I am. Yes I am. Frankly, I deserve good things and it's so easy to throw on a dress and be done. It's a simple swap to show myself a little love.

To make myself a priority in every core aspect of my life

Everything I've listed above is simply a nod to me just vocalising that I want to make myself a priority. In many ways I preach often about the importance of loving yourself and doing what feels right for you and you only, yet I don't often know what that means for me. When it comes to work life balance and friends I've got my boundaries pinned down, but there's many other facets of my life where I'm still confused, and that's okay. 

It's time now though to put in the work, looking deeply at wellness and recovery. Trying to rebuild or reimagine my purpose, whilst improving my overall health long term. Forward thinking and concluding where I'm at currently versus where I might like to find myself going forward. Or, at least just carving a path so that I'm prepared, safe and together enough to cope with an abundance of obstacles with a level of confidence or strength, regardless of whether they emerge or not.

Now I ask you, what are you doing for you in 2022?