Short and sweet, it's all too easy to babble on about the many out of my control life altering moments that have taken place within the last year or two but, today in an odd turn of events I'm choosing to talk about my good. Because, a few mornings ago, whilst sat people watching, admiring my surroundings, scribbling notes in my phone, something clicked. I nodded to myself and suddenly let go. I thought. My problems might seem mammoth, but the good is so much greater and I don't desire to revel in the what could of been, or to imagine what my life might of looked like if certain circumstances now just odd, sad memories didn't take place.
If I'm bitterly, truthfully honest with myself, I haven't learnt much from this years all consuming, crushing, havoc or, actual hell that existed for me from Autumn 2020 until halfway through 2021 either. I feel okay about that though. If you can relate, I hope you're at ease too.
Like all things. The pain one day unwise to me subtly stopped, and when it did, I found that I'd come full circle. The thunder set me down and left me one day so quietly. I probably sipped coffee, showered, hopped on the bus to town. For a while, without evening noticing I began to live in this house untroubled again, in my mind too. The bills stopped being late, there was food in the fridge and I knew I was okay. Life started ticking by nicely and I wanted it to. I stopped feeling guilty and started feeling equal to my partner again. Those very very big things I once worried about disappeared. I became safe again and, in new ways calmer too. I was laughing again and having fun. Back where I started in 2020, with many more new special, silly, positive, life shaping moments to share in no particular order...
- We dog sat for two weeks in October and, although it was slightly stressful and I cried, we survived and actually enjoyed it in the end.
- I secured a permanent job in the NHS and feel so super beyond words proud. My partner secured a job he's much happier in too. Applauds us.
- We attended my close friends much anticipated wedding which felt like a school reunion. I cried a lot. Happy tears all day long. I might cry again now.
- My mum beat cancer and we've been celebrating over weekly lunch dates since Summer.
- I managed to salvage my hair from chlorine green to golden blonde... and then dyed it pink in December because I wanted to feel more 'me' whatever that means.
- I had a health check at work that was eye opening and scary. It led me to put on weight, healthy weight when I started to finally focus on intuitive eating.
- I swam in the freezing cold sea early May with close friends and would do it again 100%. I wasn't wearing a wetsuit which feels worth mentioning.
- I found many new lovely local restaurants to support often and a new Chinese takeaway that will forever be our go to now.
- I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone by completing a course at work to gain Msc accreditation that involved public speaking.
- I made amends with a complicated family relationship and said goodbye to toxicity.
- I set new boundaries and found a work-life balance that makes me happy.
- I formed new friends and became closer with so many I've loved for years.
- I discovered I liked baked beans and thus fry ups are no longer gross to me.
- We bought a 10ft inflatable swimming pool which was honestly life changing over Summer.
- My partner bought us a new coffee table too that has become the second best buy of the year.
- We hosted BBQs for the first time ever in our home and caught up with family we hadn't seen properly in years.
- We attended a local gig to watch a tribute act for one of our favourite bands and, for the first time since 2019 felt properly normal, young and fun.
- I started paying off debt and have been able to look forward with excitement and less worry.
- I travelled to Bristol with mum to visit my sister and celebrated good health, good company and Christmas over a very fancy meal and choir service.
- More friends had babies, some I'm yet to meet and, again, I cry.
- I started finally doing some freelance social media work and being paid for it. Future freelance big plans still pending as I navigate the world properly this time. You might recall me trying in 2020 and very quickly giving up.
- We looked forward and began to plan our first holiday abroad in 2022 hopefully.
- I stayed at mums house for the first time whilst she went away, dogsitting again and making the most of the countryside home she moved to right before the pandemic began.
- We got our vintage car on the road for the first time since 2018 I think and had a lot of fun in the process.
You have some great positives- congratulations on the new jobs and your mum beating cancer. Hope 2022 brings lots more joy
ReplyDeleteI love this! It's so important to take a moment to acknowledge the good things in a difficult period of time if you can. It seems like you've had a great year with loads of uplifting, and life-changing things!
ReplyDeleteErin
erinmacneil.blogspot.ca
Love love love how you found positives for the year, Kate! I am with you, so much was not as bright as we can picture it, but worth it nonetheless!
ReplyDelete