26 June 2020

I've Been Overlooking My Psychical Health...

I've always put my mental health first, no matter what, but apparently, I've been letting the psychical side of things take quite a hit for some time now.

During lockdown, I'd put on a few pounds, and whilst I'm not ashamed, I concluded recently that I needed to begin  respecting my body more.

When lockdown began and going out became anxiety-inducing, I could've decided that instead of going for my usual walks and other outings, I would exercise in my garden and make the most of that outdoor space I had at my disposal. But, I didn't. Instead, I confined myself to my house and the supermarket. 

Most days I stayed in bed, I didn't get dressed and I didn't make a single effort to make myself feel psychically well in any shape or form. 

You know what else? I ate a different tub of Ben & Jerry's every week because they were all on offer at Morrisons, and as a result, I can confirm that Baked Alaska is underwhelming and that Peanut Butter Cup is a clear winner. 

I also kept buying popcorn; a snack I was never really interested in before but found myself addicted to once my partner had installed a TV in our bedroom and subscribed to Disney+, where soon after we both declared a love for lounging in bed with a good movie and the nostalgia that comes with.  I can't tell you how much I'd love to climb into bed right now with a bowl bigger than my head of popcorn, but N O Kate. Please for the love of God, just. Don't. 

Right now, for the first time in years, I'm finally in the right headspace to make change happen and I feel good.

I always knew that living a healthier lifestyle in terms of diet and nutrition would lead to better mental health, but I would always put off doing anything about it. Ever since I put on the weight I told myself that I could never be skinny because I loved cooking, which essentially was just an excuse because AS IF I was cooking any of the many snacks I could devour evening after evening.

What I'm learning now though is that I can still cook my favourite foods in a healthy way, allowing me to feel fuelled, well and satisfied. Psychical health is not a sacrifice for lasagna basically! Whereas, indulging in an entire packet of Haribo should be a rare treat and not something to eaten fulfil my sweet tooth craving after dinner every night. 

I've also recently rediscovered exercise by the way - mini-wave in celebration of me! Thanks to some gorgeous sunshine and finding weights hidden underneath our bed, I've been running around like a madwoman in the garden during recent days. Who knew that I, a girl who finds herself out of breath changing a duvet could enjoy exercise?! I even recently purchased some real workout clothes, so I guess it's official!

I know by determining that adding spinach to every meal doesn't ruin its taste or that doing a little exercise isn't going to kill me, won't necessarily change my perception of my appearance overnight, but I'm finding joy whilst improving myself and, it's the best thing I've done in a long time honestly.

What I'm acknowledging now is simply that this weight I've gained in recent years somewhere stemmed into a major confidence issue that needed addressing. I stopped loving myself and respecting my body as soon as I didn't like who I saw in the mirror. I stopped making an effort and stopped wearing or buying clothes in the style I liked, alternatively opting for comfort. I denied myself the opportunity to love my body no matter what my size and instead focused on all of my flaws.  I simply detested being a 5'0" girl in sized 14 clothes. The girl that couldn't shop in Topshop any more and that had to shop in M&S.

This hatred for my own body has stopped me enjoying some of the most important moments during my 20s and I won't let this attitude continue. I turn thirty in two years and although I don't know what size I might be then, I sure as hell better love myself more. 


  1. I love the honesty and determination in this post! You're definitely not alone in gaining a few in lockdown or feeling down, I'm in the same boat. But, I love your positivity! It's lovely to hear the change in your headspace x

    Anika | chaptersofmay.com

  2. I know what you mean about how the change in your headspace is allowing you to make better choices when it comes to your physical health! Despite knowing how important exercise is, I struggled to make it a part of my life for so long. I would grudgingly go to the gym, and even then I would struggle. It's only in the last 2-3 months that I have somehow felt a shift happening, and I am getting to a place where I want to make physical fitness a key priority in my life. Good luck to you on your journey!

    Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed stumbling upon your blog and browsing through! :)

    1. Likewise. Whenever I exercise I always enjoy it but, I always feel like it's a chore too - which is why it's so hard to find motivation. I'm so pleased that you're beginning to shift your habits a little and take on a healthier lifestyle moving forward.

      Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm so pleased you enjoy my content x


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