1. Grab yourself a large bowl and mix together the self raising flour and natural yoghurt, using a wooden spoon. 
2. stir in the parsley, tumeric (however you can use any spices of your choice) with a sprinkle of salt and pepper.
3. Flour a clean surface and transfer your dough from the bowl.
4. Wash your hands and knead together the dough for no longer than a minute or two.
5. Place your dough in a clean flour dusted bowl and cover until you're ready to cook.
6. Whilst the dough is proving for ten minutes or so, you can have a little kitchen tidy up before continuing.
7. Dust a clean surface with flour.
8. Split the dough into two similar sized balls and work with your hands until thin (but make sure you can still pick the dough up without tearing). 
9. Heat a frying pan with olive oil on high. 
10. Add one flatbread at a time to the pan, cooking for 2 minutes on each side.
11. Create a garlic butter by adding the unsalted butter to a small bowl, alongside two cloves of crushed garlic and microwave for 30 seconds.
12. Drizzle the butter over the top of your flatbreads once plated. 

Leisurely reading Breathe magazine whilst drinking copious amounts of green tea has truly inspired me in recent daysThis light reading has encouraged me to open up and accept where I am today in terms of my mental health. Earlier this week I even surprised myself by writing an unembellished piece about my anxieties ~ the many triggers, my symptoms, and the journey. Today though, I'm reflecting through a much more positive tone and sharing how I plan my life to avoid those dreaded anxious thoughts where I can.I hope these little pearls of wisdom may somehow support you in managing your time as well...

Get yourself a calendar and take note of the days you're definitely unavailable

Personally, I used Google Docs to create an online calendar synced with my partners. Having a calendar I can access on the go instead of one that's stuck to my fridge is a necessity. Having the ability to whip out my phone and give a definite yes or no to whoever is asking for my time is perfect in avoiding any awkward cancellations later down the road. 

In terms of my real-life job, my shifts differ from week to week, so I can mark these days as unavailable for certain. There's no way in hell I'm achieving anything of importance after a twelve-hour shift. At most, I'll shower and cook dinner. I might even rustle up a gin or two if I'm feeling optimistic. You can do the same if you're working shifts, but if you're currently working from home doing the 9-5 thing, or even still travelling to work every day, you might just want to block out the hours you spend concentrating on working life and make yourself more available for other events in the evenings. If evenings aren't an option because work leaves your brain feeling totally fried, then weekends are your baby!

Don't make yourself too busy

Busy isn't a desire of mine by any stretch of the imagination. By this I mean, It's extremely unlikely that I'll be attending two social events in one day once normality returns (I'm beginning to question if I even want it to). However, under current circumstances, this means I won't be responding to too many phone calls or messages all at once. I love you, friends, if you're reading, but please don't ask me too much from me, and don't assume my calendar is empty either.

In a future life when lockdown ends this means, don't ask me to brunch and expect me to also attend that party or gig with you all on the same day. It's just not happening unless it's your birthday, or someone has died. However, if those two events are on separate days, then sure I'll be fully functioning and completely capable to make the effort. 

In terms of work, don't pick up too many shifts. Don't cram all of your Zoom meetings into one day and don't leave the most important tasks until the very last minute. Don't make yourself busy every waking moment. Consider the hours you feel most productive and manage your diary around them for maximum optimization. Ask yourself these two questions - are you an early riser or a night owl? Do you prefer to work into the evening or get shit done before mid day? Basically, schedule your life where possible around when you feel most productive. Simple enough.

If you're a blogger gently take each day as it comes. Try to create somewhat of a schedule for content, but if that fails don't threat too much. Be kind to yourself and get writing when the mood strikes. Motivation can be found during the oddest of hours and your blog can be as flexible as you choose.

Leave room for spontaneity 

Arguably here is where I address the most worthwhile of steps.

Of course, we all probably have more free time than we know what to do with right now, but that doesn't mean we need to pack out every minute of our day.

Don't stick to a rigid routine. Try to adjust your mindset and embrace flexibility where possible. There's something so joyful about having the freedom to choose. The freedom to say this day or this hour is entirely my own. There's nowhere I need to be right now and nothing that can't wait. I try to leave at least one day or a couple of evenings open every week, where I can decide to write if I want to, spend time with my partner or just watch tele in bed. On these days there's no pressure to do anything but take care of myself however I see fit. 

The important acknowledgment here is to understand that your time is yours and no one else's to dictate. So, just keep a little room to breathe. Maybe just an evening free like a Friday night for example, where you're able to ease yourself into the weekend, wine in hand, and relaxation on the brain.

Full transparency - I've attempted to write this blog post several times in recent days and I'm honestly finding the whole process a challenge. Here goes nothing!

It's funny, my mum has always compared her anxious mind and mine to one of a duck. On the surface, we're just gradually moving along and appearing composed, but underneath our little legs are flapping faster than anything. I couldn't think of a more suitable comparison because anxiety has always been with me. An unwelcome close friend tapping me on the shoulder and ruining my mood. I suppose I call anxiety my friend because it's been by my side through my darkest moments, the most life-changing events, and every day in between. I struggle to contemplate a moment where I felt completely free of worry, which in itself is stressing me out!

Somewhere hidden within one of the many drafts of this post, I wrote in length about my childhood and where I think my struggle with anxiety comes from, but I take no joy in looking back and detest every minute spent trying to pinpoint where it all began, so I scrapped it and wrote this instead.

I can't remember any specific traumatizing events, but I remember struggling a lot throughout education, and because of my anxieties I either quit or picked things up a lot slower than just about everyone else.  In fact, anxiety is probably why I gave up swimming lessons, barely learnt to ride a bike, and failed most of my GCSE's. Somehow I made it through university which I'm proud of, even if I hated it, didn't attend my graduation, and am not using my degree at all currently. Moving swiftly on... 

During my early twenties after grieving the loss of my dad, I discovered that I had high functioning anxiety and a panic disorder. I crave control and anything outside of that terrified me to my core. I was apprehensive and concerned about everything. I see the world much more clearly these days, but sometimes fear on the unknown still gets the best of me.

For a long time I'd been searching for support and answers, so when I lost my dad life stood still. Without divulging too much, I wasn't close with him. However, his loss hit me harder than I could've imagined. I didn't get out of my bed for a long time. When I did I found counselling and voluntary work which pulled me through my final year at university. I was able to grow, learn, and heal old wounds. I began to find self-awareness as well and learnt that I was entering a new chapter if you will.

The discovery is only the beginning, not the end. 

What does panic disorder feel like then? It's overwhelming. Essentially fight or flight mode and I want to run. A switch has been flicked and I feel a total loss of control. I compare the feeling to an out-of-body experience. I'm entirely not in control of my emotions any more. Triggers include attending an unfamiliar location, travelling alone and sudden changes to my schedule. However, I also have a number of other circumstances which provoke anxiety within me which include, communicating in front of an audience (even if the subject is something I'm confident in) and exams of any kind. Oh, and whatever you do, please don't ask me to play Charades because that's literally my worst nightmare. Other worst nightmares include attending laser tag, escape rooms, or any outdoor excursion that involves climbing, jumping, or swimming. 

You may laugh, but all of the above and more that I'm probably yet to discover fill me with an all-consuming sensation of dread and psychical pain. 

Vomit worthy stuff. 

To clarify - I become clumsy. My throat is endlessly dry and not enough water in the world will ever be enough. I'm dizzy, panicking and about to cry. My jaw is clenched, my brain is basically mush and I can't fathom a single constructive thought. My head is underwater. I'm being swallowed up whole. Everything is too much.Whilst telling myself that it's all going to be fine, I'm also telling myself that it's definitely the absolute end of the world. Life as we know it will never be the same. I can't do it / I don't want to do it. I'm basically going to die if this bus doesn't turn up, or if it does and I accidentally get off at the wrong stop. I'm a mess. The emotional thoughts usually only last until the situation has resolved itself (usually by me doing whatever is causing me anxiety and coming out totally fine) but they're still all-consuming. The migraine left from such anxiety scratches across my eyes and down the bridge of my nose for several days to come.

These anxious days were once a weekly occurrence; now they are slightly rarer. 

Yet, just in time for Mental Health Awareness Week my unwanted friend decided to say hello and creep it's ugly head back into my life. Panic officially ensued around midday of Monday and disrupted my entire next 24 hours, all because of a slight change to my week and necessary testing for COVID19 as part or my job. The test only took a couple of minutes though and I could administer it myself. Before 11 am I was back home, in bed and napping until late afternoon. As always I was completely overthinking a scenario. 

Yesterday's spout of anxiety was far from the last, but I'm always learning and trying my best to always be honest with myself.

A lifetime of anxious thoughts and constant unease would once have caused me huge upset; these days I've found my own coping mechanisms and strategies to feel safe and well almost every day.

I loathe admitting this because I enjoy my life right now, but the truth is that my lifestyle isn't a choice. I've had to settle for less and accept a smaller life because that's what works for me and I no longer yearn for anything more. Living slowly is required for me to look after my own mental stability, encouraging me to focus on the details of every day instead of looking backward or forwards constantly.

This attitude I've obtained in recent years has made current circumstances relatively easy for me too. You see, I've been practising the art of social distancing for years. It's sad to have the choice taken away from you of course, but this is only temporary for most of us at least. I think it's important to acknowledge that privilege I and so many others took for granted because, for a lot of people suffering from psychical or mental illness, self-isolating has never been a choice.

I'm not trying to inspire anyone with my writing here and my flappy duck comparison I'm sure won't, I only want to express my experience. To acknowledge the growth, pain, and anguish I so often feel. I'm ending this post feeling much more positive than the me that existed 48 hours ago though I'm pleased to say.

A final note of gratitude...

I'm choosing to feel proud of myself. I'm choosing to be kind. I cherish the progress I've made and I'm thankful for where I'm going.

Restaurants on the Edge

Modern Family

The Vicar of Dibley

After staying away from social media and partaking in a very slow Sunday, I began to realize that not every day has to be groundbreaking - what a revelation, I know!

I constantly preach about the importance of being at home and enjoying your own company, but I didn't comprehend how much I under-appreciated the joy and comfort of simply being with my partner. In fact, we spent the Sunday just gone enjoying every moment with one another. We woke up just before 10 am, ate smoked salmon bagels, had a movie marathon, and devoured an array of snacks. We had the most wonderful chilled out day doing absolutely nothing of importance and it was needed.

Sunday reminded me of a time before I started blogging or really caring about social media at all. A time when I spent days on end with my partner in his old bedroom at his parents, watching Making of a Murderer, eating pancakes, and going to gigs where I would awe watching his doom metal band perform. 

Simpler times when I was twenty-three. Four years have passed since then.

I have this blog now, a home, and a social media following. These things never truly crossed my mind during my early twenties.

When I woke up yesterday morning I had high hopes to be productive. I kissed my partner goodbye as he headed off to work, tweeted my Monday to-do list, and ate my favourite avocado on toast for breakfast. At some point around eleven, however, I decided that my day was already over. My jaw felt clenched, my head felt dizzy, and every time I tried to write I struggled to find the words. I'd spent almost the entire day feeling utterly helpless and guilty for not being more productive. Every time I opened my laptop inspiration died. Nothing came to fruition. 

I'm not trying to belittle myself, but isn't it completely foolish to feel so upset and guilty for not being in the right frame of mind? What I'm trying to say is, I should spend my days however I please with no shame. It's frustrating when your day doesn't go to plan, but it doesn't mean my day was wasted because I chose to get back into bed and spend my afternoon watching Identical Strangers on Netflix. 

Not every moment has to be invested in writing blog content, taking photos, scheduling, tweeting, editing, planning, comparing myself to other influencers, and doubting whether I'm good enough. Not every day has to be remarkable. These blogs we take so much pride in (whether they're a career or a hobby) shouldn't be rigid. We make the rules and we should be able to rearrange our schedule when we see fit. The effort and opportunity is ours...

So, it's okay to take a day off or two. It's okay to decide not to schedule and promote content. It's okay if you don't want to work on Mondays. It's okay if you don't find inspiration every day, and it's okay if you don't take a photo of everything you're doing in life. Not every moment needs documenting. Not every day is a good mental health day. Yes, Kate - I'm talking to you here!

It's beneficial to create some sort of structure and routine, but that has to work for us, to become flexible on days where our mindset is off. The routine doesn't even have to outline much, it can simply just express that you aim to invest a certain amount of hours into your blog each week. Nothing too specific or unchangeable. So often I forget that I can choose my workload and that I can change it whenever I please. I'm not answering to anyone but myself.

This morning when I woke up, I kissed my partner goodbye and proudly grabbed my laptop. I felt inspired to write about all of the things stuck in my mind yesterday that I couldn't put into words. This blog post for example and many more to come.

Today I must remember this - regardless of whether I spend one hour or several on my laptop, my day will not be wasted.

This day is all mine. This day is ours.

I must add this too - right now more than ever, we feel this pressure to be busy and productive constantly, but I promise you don't have to do more than whatever your normal is. Taking up a new hobby, exercising, learning to bake, or learning to speak a new language is all lovely, but not necessary. Doing absolutely nothing extra with these hours we spend at home is fine as well. I hope none of you feel pressure to come out of this darkness as a new and improved person. It's okay to just be you. To spend your days playing Animal Crossing or the Sims 4 and catching up on every series or movie you've missed in recent years. Getting through this, staying home, healthy, and safe is an achievement. Remarkable if you like.