Trying to prioritise ourselves and recognize how to find peace in our own lives can seem an unthinkable task, but through reflecting on my own dark moments and establishing what I need to maintain a level of tranquility and privacy in my own life, I've been able to establish a calmer lifestyle in every single way.

So, let's get started!

2. Surround yourself with people who make you feel empowered, informed and inspired

In the midst of a long weekend off of work and away from my partner, I'm feeling a level of solitude I dislike. 

Being in my own company and wanting to enjoy alone time is one thing, but being forced to is another. Yet, no one has exactly involuntarily made me sit alone at home, in fact, I was actually looking forward to these four days. I prepared by buying all of my favourite foods that my partner doesn't usually enjoy including salmon, lemon cheesecake, an array of snacks and fancy bread. I've caught up with friends too, drank my favourite gin and had a lot of laughs. But, in the moments between I've felt that my brain is an uncomfortable place to be.

Yesterday with a slight hangover I achieved nothing. I wanted to get up, tidy the house, cook myself a delicious dinner, write and feel productive, but I didn't. As the hours went on my day became wasted. I wanted to shower or take a bath, but I didn't. I laid in bed scrolling through social media for hours on end and felt incredibly sorry for myself. I took several naps, ate everything in sight, and kept opening my blog. I managed to write a couple of ideas down, but nothing came to fruition. 

This morning when I woke up I felt much the same. I endlessly scrolled through my phone for over an hour, and then suddenly my brain kicked into gear. Everything I should have done yesterday has happened this morning. My house is immaculate. The dishes have been done, the washing is in, I've eaten a good breakfast, I've showered, dyed my hair and have written this blog post. Later on I'm going to cook myself a delicious little roast dinner and in the evening I have friends visiting. 

Nonetheless, what I'm realising from yesterday is how dangerous being truly alone can feel. I think I knew this morning that because I had friends coming over I needed to get my shit together, but when I knew I had nothing to look forward to yesterday my day was dark. That loneliness is something I used to feel everyday when I was in my late teens and something I haven't experienced in a long time. 

I think I'm also coming to the realisation that I never overcame that loneliness. That depression is still inside of me somewhere, but I've been surrounded by a loving partner for the past four years and, before I met him I lived with friends and led a very social lifestyle mostly. 

It's difficult for me to tackle this subject so head on because I'm always preaching about the importance of liking your own company, but I wouldn't be being honest if I pretended that every day was perfect. I love being with myself when I'm in the right kind of productive mood and thankfully these days happen more frequently than the bad; however the bad moods are truly miserable.

This weekend has been a real wake up call. A true eye opener in to my mental health journey and recovery. I'm not happy with the way my Saturday turned out, but it's certainly made me understand a few things about myself / my life a little better...

10 years ago I used to sit on my mums sofa everyday with absolutely nothing to do and nothing to look forward to. I had no plans for the future or knew whether I wanted to be part of it. For a while everyday felt lonesome. 5 years ago during my final year at uni I hit rock bottom after losing a loved one and barely managed to pass my degree as a result. I've come so far since then and today I'm living a life I'm mostly happy with, and have a future I'm looking forward to being part of.

This war is one I'll always be fighting no doubt. Fortunately these lonely days are few and far between. I just certainly wasn't prepared yesterday to be hit with such a wave of darkness. I felt so ashamed and alone. So incapable of meeting my basic needs and just so exhausted. I hope that whenever this mood strikes again in future I can accept a bad day for what it is, sleep it off and carry on with no guilt. 

[AD - GIFTED] I don't know about you, but staying hydrated is always a top priority of mine. Whether I'm frantically running around work or casually walking on my days off, you can always trust that I'll be carrying my favourite water bottle in hand. 

There was a time not so long ago however, I'm ashamed to admit that I'd simply buy countless plastic bottles of water every time I went out, but these days with sustainability on the brain I've had to have a serious rethink. I mean buying a long-lasting water bottle isn't really an option these days surely?

It's time to switch things up! To step away from plastic where possible and admit that it's a necessity not only to save money long term, but to save our planet by reducing our carbon footprint. At this point shouldn't we all be saying if not now then when? What else needs to happen for us to take a little responsibility?


So without further adieu, let me introduce you to Waterdrop - the most recent addition you can find in my bag with a mission statement I'm obsessed with. 

Sustainability, health and wellness are at the core of this sleek brands objectives and maintaining a professional finish across their entire product range, you'll feel confident carrying Waterdrop with you every step of the way. With many themed water bottles to choose from there's simply something for everyone, and not only does this exciting brand offer sustainable solutions including metal straws, but offer a range of other homeware accessories and most importantly the Microdrink!

Waterdrop aim to bring a little vibrancy and flavour to your usual glass of water with the Microdrink capsules. Basically, whether you're out for dinner or at home the Microdrink has got you covered.  Packed full of vitamins and no added sugar you'll get the pick me up your body requires without any of the guilt or bad stuff. Feel zen, give your body a boost or even relax with a range of different packs and flavours to choose between. Simply add a flavour of your choice to your water and watch it fizz away. There's even a handy little carry kit to keep your waterdrops safe inside of on the go - something I've been utilizing on the daily.

Okay, it's fantastic that my blog is doing well and that I've found a new love for writing however, It's somewhat come at a price...

I think I'm addicted to my phone now and I've accumulated some unhealthy habits.

I probably sound ridiculous and I don't mean to complain because I absolutely love my blog at the moment, but I guess I'm just worried for my own sanity? 

My partner of almost four years is screaming out for me to put the damn phone down. I can literally feel him side eyeing me as I pick up my Iphone for the millionth time to scroll through Instagram. During ad breaks we've agreed that it's fine to have a quick look, but seriously when did I actually last fully pay attention to whatever we're watching? When did I last show my partner proper affection for longer than just a glance over to say "I love you" before continuing to bend my neck awkwardly to peer at my phone once more.

I'm the worst at the moment because I'm feeling incredibly excited and motivated to create content, but there's absolutely no balance. My right hand feels lost and my eyes become dizzy if I'm not pointlessly trawling through Twitter or Instagram. 

Writing this now I'm fully aware that I've been on and off my phone all day whilst creating content on my laptop, and I feel dreary as a result. 

For the most part, I feel shameful admitting that I've been prioritizing social media too often over real life relationships and using every moment as an opportunity to grab my camera. Although I'm also super proud of the brand I'm beginning to curate, the writer I'm becoming and the photography skills I've been able to establish so far. I don't want to ignore or undermine those achievements. 

What's my plan of action then? I mean, I don't know if I really have a strict one?

In terms of my routine I mostly have that figured out. However, it just seems that as the day goes on and I've completed whatever chores need doing etc I return to my phone and probably don't look back up until bedtime. Is this why my posture is so terrible?...probably.

My only saving grace is that I can definitely say for at least two or three days per week I'll hardly be looking at my phone at all, and my brain is definitely not in a blog / social media obsessed funk. Working twelve hour shifts where access to your mobile is prohibited is quite useful in that respect. In addition, I'm also happy to report that spending hours on end looking at my screen doesn't appear to have impacted my sleeping pattern thankfully.

The lesson I've learnt from putting these thoughts into writing is that I think I need to make another NY resolution - It's not too late is it? I need to find a more balanced lifestyle moving forward. I must remember that my relationship is top priority however. I hate feeling disconnected because I'm trying to up my following on Instagram or promote a blog post on Twitter. In reality I have plenty of hours in the day before he's home to accommodate this blog of mine, and through better planning I should be able to achieve everything I still hope to moving forward. Time is not the issue here, it's my time management that needs some tweaking.